Good habits are important, but it’s often our bad habits that prevent us from reaching our full potential. You can have all the good habits in the world, but if you keep doing the bad habits alongside the good ones, you’ll struggle to reach your goals. Think of it this way: you’re only as good as your worst habits.
Developing mental strength is about improving your ability to regulate your emotions, manage your thoughts, and behave in a positive manner, despite your circumstances.
THEY DON’T WASTE TIME FEELING SORRY FOR THEMSELVES
Feeling sorry for yourself can buy time. Instead of taking action or moving forward, exaggerating how bad your situation is justifies why you shouldn’t do anything to improve it.
Instead of pitying ourselves for what we lost, we choose to feel grateful for what we had. When you notice self-pity creeping into your life, make a conscious effort to do something contrary to how you feel.
People who feel gratitude don’t get sick as often as others. They have better immune systems and report fewer aches and pains. They have lower blood pressure and they exercise more often than the general population.
THEY DON’T GIVE AWAY THEIR POWER
If you choose to put up healthy boundaries, you may receive some backlash. But if you have a strong enough sense of self-worth, you’ll learn that you can tolerate the repercussions.
Choosing to forgive someone who has hurt you, either emotionally or physically, doesn’t mean you have to excuse the other person’s behavior, but letting go of your anger frees you to focus your energy on a more worthwhile cause.
Not long before she released an album that sold over ten million copies, Madonna received a rejection letter from the president of Millennium Records that said, “The only thing missing from this project is the material.”
Within a couple of decades, Madonna was recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records as the bestselling female recording artist of all time.
In 1956, Andy Warhol tried to give one of his paintings to the Museum of Modern Art, but they declined to accept it even for free. Fast-forward to 1989, and his paintings had become so successful that he earned his own museum. The Andy Warhol Museum is the largest museum in the United States dedicated to a single artist. Clearly, everyone has an opinion, but successful people don’t allow one person’s opinion to define them.
Retaining your power is about evaluating feedback to determine if it has any validity. While criticism can sometimes open our eyes to how others perceive us so we can make positive change—a friend points out a bad habit, or a spouse helps you see your selfish behavior—at other times, criticism is a reflection of the critic.
Just ask Oprah Winfrey. She grew up in extreme poverty and was sexually abused by several people throughout her childhood. She bounced between living with her mother, father, and grandmother, and as a teenager, she frequently ran away from home. She became pregnant at age fourteen, but the infant died shortly after birth.
You don’t have any control over whether someone will apologize. Waiting to forgive people until they say they’re sorry gives them control over not just your life, but perhaps even your death.
THEY DON’T SHY AWAY FROM CHANGE
THEY DON’T FOCUS ON THINGS THEY CAN’T CONTROL
We can’t possibly make all our circumstances and all the people in our lives fit into the way we think things should be. When you learn to let go of the details you can’t control, the amount of time and energy you’ll be able to devote to the things you can control will give you the ability to accomplish incredible feats.
Coined as a “bi-local expectancy,” the people who understand that they can take a lot of steps to control their lives while also recognizing the limitations of their ability are happier than people who think they can control everything.
THEY DON’T WORRY ABOUT PLEASING EVERYONE
THEY DON’T FEAR TAKING CALCULATED RISKS
We base our decisions on emotion instead of logic. We incorrectly assume there’s a direct correlation between our fear level and the risk level. But often, our emotions are just not rational. If we truly understood how to calculate risk, we’d know which risks were worth taking and we’d be a lot less fearful about taking them.
What Dale didn’t calculate was the emotional toll that avoiding risk was having on him. Not following his dream affected his mood because it changed the way he thought about himself and the way he felt about his teaching job.
A study from Johns Hopkins Children’s Center found that newborns who were exposed to germs, pet and rodent dander, and roach allergens were less likely to develop asthma and allergies. Fear leads many people to incorrectly assume that germs pose a much higher risk than they actually do, because in the reality, bacteria-free environments may pose a greater threat to our health than the germs.
Logic says that statistically, the odds of dying in a car crash are around 1 in 5,000, while the odds of dying in a plane crash are closer to 1 in 11 million.
THEY DON’T DWELL ON THE PAST
THEY DON’T RESENT OTHER PEOPLE’S SUCCESS
As we learned a chapter ago, some of Milton Hershey’s success was based on the fact that he learned from his mistakes, but his ability to accept the success of others also helped him along the way. He didn’t even become resentful when one of his employees, H. B. Reese, began another candy company in the same town. While still working in the chocolate factory, Reese used the knowledge he’d gained from Hershey to invent his own candy. After a few years, Reese created chocolate-covered peanut butter cups and he used the Hershey chocolate factory as his supplier of milk chocolate.
Write down your definition of success. When you’re tempted to resent other individuals who are working toward their own definitions of success, remind yourself of your definition.
THEY DON’T GIVE UP AFTER THE FIRST FAILURE
Take, for example, Theodor Geisel—also known as Dr. Seuss—whose first book was rejected by more than twenty publishers.
Thomas Edison was one of the most prolific inventors of all time. He held 1,093 patents for his products and the systems to support those products. Some of his most famous inventions included the electric lightbulb, motion pictures, and the phonograph. But not all his inventions became wildly successful.
In fact, a person’s IQ isn’t a very good predictor of whether he or she will become successful. Grit, defined as perseverance and passion for long-term goals, has been shown to be a much more accurate predictor of achievement than IQ.
THEY DON’T FEAR ALONE TIME
The ability to tolerate alone time has been linked to increased happiness, life satisfaction, and improved stress management. People who enjoy alone time also experience less depression.
Take at least ten minutes every day to sit quietly by yourself and do nothing but think.
Research shows that meditation alters your brain waves, and over time, your brain physically changes. Studies have shown that regions of the brain associated with learning, memory, and emotion regulation actually begin to thicken after just a few months of meditation.
Skeptical researchers have performed a variety of tests on him because many believed his feats must somehow be fraudulent, but scientists concluded he’s able to maintain a consistent body temperature when he meditates,
Mindfulness is about developing an acute awareness of what is happening within the moment without forming judgment.
Instead of thinking about what is “right” or “wrong” or how things “should be,” mindfulness allows you to accept your thoughts for what they are in the moment.
THEY DON’T FEEL THE WORLD OWES THEM ANYTHING
THEY DON’T EXPECT IMMEDIATE RESULTS
Self-discipline is more important than IQ when it comes to predicting academic success.
The ability to delay gratification is associated with lower rates of depression and anxiety.